Pause a Moment To Review Your Relationship

Raising Your Awareness About “How Things Are Going Life is fast, and generally days are full. Most of us have, at one time or another, wished to be in a happy, healthy, long term relationship and we have given thought to what such a relationship would look like for us. Once we are IN a long-term relationship, however, it is easy to stop thinking about our relationships in a conscious, mindful way in order to improve them. We function day-to-day, and week-to-week, but rarely give ourselves our … [Read more...]

Solomon’s Sword – Still Relevant with High Conflict Divorcing Parents

Most of us remember the story of King Solomon: faced with two mothers, each claiming the same baby to be her own, he says to the mothers that the only compromise is to split the baby in half with his sword. One mother cries out in fear, and tells the other woman to take the baby, in order to protect his life. Solomon names that woman the true mother, as she was willing to give up her son in order to save him. This story has many other versions going back in history. The Chalk Circle is a play … [Read more...]

A Good Problem to Have: Family Togetherness Post-Divorce

Good divorces have been in the news lately. Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin’s “conscious uncoupling” hit the papers last year, and in September the New York Times featured an article about an already divorced couple taking their kids on a rafting trip – and enjoying the time together. (9/25/15 – From a Divorce a Fractured Beauty). With more couples opting for mediation, or Collaborative divorce, and navigating those processes successfully, I predict our culture will have more and more … [Read more...]

Fighting the Good Fight

"Fighting the Good Fight"(Or How To Navigate Conflict with your Honey in Five (Not So) Easy Steps) One of the most common complaints couples have about their relationship is that their fights don’t go anywhere good. “We have the same fight ninety times and we still can’t resolve the problem.” “We can’t seem to argue without it getting out of control.” “She fights dirty – once the insults start flying, I just shut down/lose it/ have to leave.” “He always thinks he’s right. It seems I’m … [Read more...]

Help for the Disorganized Parent, Married or Divorced

If you hear your co-parent, or your children, complaining about your showing up late, taking the kids to the wrong sports field, forgetting to buy the poster board for the science project, consider this: Your co-parent and children might have a point. Ask yourself if you are disorganized at work, and whether your friends, or siblings also complain about your arriving to things late or forgetting important events. Is it them? Or is it you? Here are some straightforward tips to consider if … [Read more...]

Co-Parenting with a Challenging Ex: It’s Just a Barrette

Picture this: Your Ex is a gatekeeper of your time with the children. You are painstakingly trying to eke out more time with your kids through cooperative, non-threatening strategies that stay out of court, but your Ex continues to make it hard for you to have the time you want to spend with your children. So you walk on Egg shells, in the hopes of pleasing your Ex, and getting him or her to relax the gates. You worry about being pushy, and about making dump parenting mistakes – because your Ex … [Read more...]

My and Kate’s 20/20 Perspective on “Navigating Emotional Currents”

Kevin R. Scudder, a Collaborative Attorney in Seattle, WA, checks in with Kate and me about our book Navigating Emotional Currents in Collaborative Divorce: A Guide to Englighted Team Practice. He thought that it would interesting to see how we view our work a few years after publication, and now that it has become an important resource to many collaborative practitioners. We each answered ten questions he posed and the questions and our responses are published in his article TEN QUESTIONS … [Read more...]

Help! I Have a New Baby and My 4 Year Old Has . . .

. . . Turned into a Monster! What Should I Do? A client wrote me a letter while she was home on maternity leave, asking for help with her four year old daughter, who was throwing mega- tantrums, whining constantly, hitting her two year old brother, feeling clingy and insecure in unusual ways, and making the rest of the family miserable. Her newborn was 5 weeks old, and mom had returned to the hospital briefly following the birth due to some complications that were resolved within a few days. … [Read more...]

A Generous Endorsement of My Collaborative Trainings with Kate Scharff

This was written by  the talented Kevin Scudder of Seattle Washington in response to a Collaborative colleague's query about whether it would be wise for his local Collaborative practice group to invest  in a Lisa Herrick/Kate Scharff advanced training.   Dear______, Thanks for the email and questions about Lisa and Kate.  I cannot recommend their work  more highly. Please take this recommendation in context: I am a Collaborative Attorney/Mediator located in the Pacific NW.  I received … [Read more...]

Expressing a Preference: A Little Relationship Tip That Can Change Your Life

Many people have never learned how to identify their own preferences. Or they have grown up believing they don’t deserve to HAVE a preference. Or they are afraid to speak their preferences, let alone fight for them. Some people think they do not possess preferences, because they are not in the habit of tuning in to their own feelings. Other people hold strong preferences, even rigidly so, and spend little time inquiring of others about their preferences, and instead simply push forward with … [Read more...]